I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
...so i touched it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
