We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
