Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
