oh god the rape fog is back!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
