Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
