Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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