No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
