I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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