summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
