You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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