they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
