Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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