I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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