how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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