I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
