when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
