He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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