I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
