So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
