Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My balls are so social today.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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