I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
