my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
