I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just found puke in my bra..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
