Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
