She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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