I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh god it's open bar.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
