i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
