YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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