please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
