I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
