i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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