I wish I only lived at night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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