my sisters under your porch take her home
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
