Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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