I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
