K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
