I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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