That's intense
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
