I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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