at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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