there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
