If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
