we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
