Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
