Your favorite bartender is back from prision
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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