i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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