I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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