Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
