The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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