Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
