Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
