I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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