you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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