my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
