Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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