I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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