ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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