What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This baby is an asshole
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just want to make out with him forever
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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