In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
