6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
