Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
