I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
