Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
