Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
