Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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