There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
