Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
