Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
